Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
