it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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