her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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