i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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