i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
