Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
