Moan for me like Helen Keller
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
