would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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