well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's always time for handjobs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
