Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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