My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
