I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
