Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
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U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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