im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
