After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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