kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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