Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
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Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.