how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd