i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.