I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?