Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass