we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.