summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law