Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

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(281): View more from Texas

so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months

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19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious

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(201): View more from New Jersey

U took a sewing needle to his nipple

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

Psshh,

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(515): View more from Iowa

But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....

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