Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.