Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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  (305): I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B http://tfl.nu/epjn
  Replies (35) Good night (1117) Bad night (3458)
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  (845): View more from New York

  felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

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  (845): felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter http://tfl.nu/o0yy
  Replies (33) Good night (1461) Bad night (6345)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

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  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (15022) Bad night (1488)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.

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  (201): Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man. http://tfl.nu/hm6h
  Replies (4) Good night (3358) Bad night (902)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.

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  (586): She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes. http://tfl.nu/cn93
  Replies (3) Good night (793) Bad night (4132)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.

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  (716): I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable. http://tfl.nu/tziy
  Replies (6) Good night (2505) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

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  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
  Replies (3) Good night (2499) Bad night (886)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted

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  (785): totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted http://tfl.nu/rzdq
  Replies (2) Good night (3307) Bad night (689)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  This hangover makes more sense now

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  (817): Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"... (1-817): This hangover makes more sense now http://tfl.nu/3zvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2427) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!

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  (360): DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!! http://tfl.nu/2uub
  Replies (8) Good night (699) Bad night (1061)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.

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  (210): Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married. http://tfl.nu/tr6n
  Replies (13) Good night (1002) Bad night (566)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.

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  (813): I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible. http://tfl.nu/s9e0
  Replies (1) Good night (830) Bad night (241)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.

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  (970): Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome. http://tfl.nu/0viv
  Replies (7) Good night (741) Bad night (376)
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  (510): View more from California

  I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...

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  (510): I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high... http://tfl.nu/gsz5
  Replies (0) Good night (406) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that

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  (713): You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that http://tfl.nu/hi6n
  Replies (6) Good night (351) Bad night (770)

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