then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.