I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
I was spiderman.