apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
