Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
