I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
