so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize