My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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