May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
