Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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