I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
