Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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