It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
