Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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