My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
