last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
