Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you made out with another girl for some wings
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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