chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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