Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
