My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
