my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
