I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
