I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
