Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
