you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
