You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Randomize
