Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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