it wasn't lemon gatorade
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
