I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
