So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
