shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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