dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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