I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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