eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
