Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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