he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
