i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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