whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
