Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
