Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize