and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
