Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
