I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
