he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
