That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's blow job season.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
