I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize