found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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