I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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