Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
