Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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