let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
