She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He kissed a someone with a penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
