A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
