That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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