so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
