I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
