Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
