You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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