I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
