dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
