I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So squirting runs in the family.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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