I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
