I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
