you guys were way drunker than both of me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
