Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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