I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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