He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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