names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
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Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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